Random Reviews
Great so far! Hope to see more soon. Be well, R. |
Magic and Malice at the Movies (Chapters 1-3) Details |
First I must say that considering English is not Tanya's first language she spins a good tale. Second. That said, I found it lacked emotional weight. It was like someone took the story and put it through a wringer to get most of the emotions out. Tanya, I suggest you have written a wonderful first draft of this story. You probably struggled to get the words into English, and I realise this language barrier is probably what's responsible for the dry telling of this tale. However now that you have the story down, perhaps you could take the time to put the emotional content back into it. We have a saying in english "Just the facts, ma'am". This is what you've done. You've told us what happened, and what the boy felt, but in a sterile manner. Writing in the first person (I did this/I wanted that) is the hardest but most tempting form of writing. Perhaps you could tell it more from the point of view of a narator.I'm rambling now...so I'll end this barrage. Its a good first attempt at a story. Keep up the effort.Danielle. |
Tanja Details |
Diana,I sincerely hope there will be more of Patricia/Lance exploits (or should that be sexploits). This is a great story and I love the imagery.All the best.Starhawk |
Fraternity Girl Details |
Janet, I truly love your stories, so close to my own passions for younger boys and men in their most attrac- tive years and vulnerability to respond to feminization and explore POSITIVE adventures. Tho things have to move faster in a story than real life, often, still this one is persuasive beyond the sudden premise at the outset. From there it's all joy. I'd love Diane to have longer hair (a bias of mine) at the beginning--as a contributing factor to her ripeness in the eyes of Valerie. Can't leave out a Vital feature I thrive on: the crucial role of loving, Enabling, wise Mothers and strong guides like Valerie and older sisters. Stay in touch--Love, Timbo. See my notes on yr. other tales.The Snady Thomas Pub. line of stories are along similar positive TG/CD themes very often-address is in Capistrano Beach,CCA. I have over 100 of her fine titles:Authors needed!! NB:Blurb for Mary,Mary story is off-base--Rewrite to show boy-as-Carol main theme. |
The Office Boy Details |
Great story! Right up there with Leeson's "Crusader and the slave girl". I can't wait to see the rest of the story. |
Slaves of Acteon Details |
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