Random Reviews
I really liked this story!The only thing I would have changed is that I wanted MORE!Any idea of expanding it with "more adventures" of Benny/Sarah?Either way, a very good read! Thank You!!!!SapphireSapphire's Placehttp://www.sapphireplace.com |
Benjamin Details |
Hi Jacky,as you are a newcomer I try to be gentle. First off I agree with those reviewers before me.The plot in itself has promise, but the execution is not good.Your writing style changes from paragraphs to a sort of list type and back, without reason. Many plot holes are there and not even remotely addressed.However, my biggest gripe is the inconsistency of Jack's thought patterns.I am sort of amazed that no one else pointed it out.On the one hand, you try to make Jack appear as this innocent young boy.Then sometimes he has quite mature thoughts or reasoning for just one sentence only.To top it off you have Jack's infatuation with Nicky, that seems way to strongly for a ten-year-old boy. He is prepubescent. I doubt he could be that much into her.I think you had a diamond in the rough there. Yet, you didn't choose to polish it.If you had thought the whole plot though before starting to writing it many plot holes or weaknesses could have been avoided. In the end, all I can say is: "Nice try. Try again."That might sound a bit harsh, but try seeing it that way. There is potential. But to unlock it you have to try again. Learn from your mistakes and I am sure there will be less criticism next time.xoxoCassy |
An unfortunate tea party Details |
Loved the story and agree that it could even be better as a much longer story,candyb |
Corporate Espionage Details |
yeah, not a big fan of this one. I don't think I'll read the next one since it's apparently going to be some kind of black dominance manifesto. Really, racism isn't cool and this black dominance kick you seem to have is just another form of it. |
Cheerleader Slaves Chapter 9 and 10 Details |
I love the stories, Are you ever going to finish them? I can't wait for the next chapter!!! |
Skin Deep - Episode 3 Details |
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