Random Reviews
Quite refreshing in presentation. The comic format utilizes several levels of enjoyment of the story. The plot line and pictures are fun and well done. Further story development might be helpful. All in all, I ask for more please. |
Dilton's New Dates Details |
No comment.....would suggest you not read. |
Bless Me Father Details |
great story, thanks for writing it. i really enjoyed it. |
One Night Stand Details |
Yeah baby! Keep it going! |
The Fantasy Amulet Part 1 Details |
I was a massive fan of yours after your first two stories, your third was massively improved, and this one is just another level altogether. I echo the other reviewers - i think this is the best erotic fiction story I've ever read on here, or anywhere. (And I've read a lot). The level of detail was equisite; in this story you are right up there with Waldo, Genni Smith or Jonathan, in terms of the attention to detail that you employ. In terms of your comments - I think the story is fine as it is - the dovetailing of the 3 narratives may slow it down a bit and burden the description with repetition, but it allowed you to pack in more erotica by jumping from one character to another as they experienced their "horny" episodes, making your story a very concentrated piece of erotic reading, despite it's long length. I think you're being a bit harsh on yourself - your earlier stories had a lot of repetition - practically whole paragraphs - I think with this one, you've really taken the time to rewrite their arousals differently for the most part, which I think is all you need to do to dispell with repetion.Can I offer you any thing constructive to help you improve further - I doubt it, I think you've really mastered it with this one! For what its worth, I think you could have piled it on a bit more for poor Joe, and connected to that you've nailed what they were experiencing, but I would have liked maybe a bit more on what they were feeling (Jonathan's Rings of Fate is a masterpiece of self pity and panic!). And where was the monthly visitor!! You took him to the point of attempted suicide, so you might as well have chucked that at him as well, as part of the last straw!Also, on the whole feelings thing, there is a lovely story on Nifty (Unisex by Unilever), its almost a stream of conciousness account of transformation and exploration, you may find it gives you some new ideas: http://www.nifty.org/nifty/transgender/Magic-ScFi/unisexThankyou for your wonderful story, can not wait until your next one. |
High School Girls Details |
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