Mark asked, So this is what you meant, when you said no man has ever set foot inside this sacred cave? 		 

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I liked your story. Thanks for writing it. Hugs, Shelly
Gabrielle     Details
Very nice read. looking forward to ch.2.
Summertime: Chapter One     Details
So, are you Titan Alumni, or Titan Facualty or did you just here about Cal State Fullerton, I'm just curious. Anyway I'm review this while I read it (it's a better way to write reviews I think). Currently I'm at Darla's (darren's) first day of Highschool. First I have backtrack a little to write a little on the previous parts of the story. Your writing style is great, I'm seeing a bit much of the passive (this reflects your tendencies to develop the characters rather than the story). The passive is useful, but because it's overused in this story we have the impression that Darla is just letting the events conspire around her; it's like she doesn't have an active role in the story other than the storyteller. "I could feel my body settling back into a solid shape. But I could feel other things as well..." Instead of could feel, use felt. Or my body contored, twisting into and alien shape. Also I noticed an excessive amount of cliche descriptions. When I write cliche, I mean cliche to fictionmania, and your stories in particular. To be more specific: "We already have one of the X chromosomes. All you'd have to do in theory is eliminate the Y chromosome and duplicate the X. But to do it the other way around, you'd have to postulate a Y chromosome that didn't exist." I think this line was used in at least 2 other stories, one of which was yours wasn't it? like the witches of something or other high? Moreover I knew the basic plotline and what would happen from the moment Darla saw that silloete in the vacant house. Your Male/Female lead is always the average all american boy who resists and then slowly yeilds to the passions of his feminine body. Now admittedly I haven't finished the story yet, but let's see if I'm right or not. As far as the story is concerend, the dialouge is better than average. However if you truly wanted to duplicate the speach patterns of high school students, do what marvel writter grant morrison does and listen to them at the mall. One last thing before I return to the story, if the only culture dannie knew was from books, magazines and tv, she wouldn't act in the way you portray her; She would seem very artificial. She would say corny lines, read her horiscope, and base all of her expectations on what she read and seen. People wouldn't know how to react to her. Even fifteen year old girls know that the behaviors portrayed in those medias are fictional. [reading further] Ok, I see that you do realise this, but not to the point that I like. [reading further] Why is Darla so negative to the stares she's recieving on her first day of class, she already admitted she liked the attention. And where did this hostility come from: "Did the entire male population of my high schoolthink with their dicks?" She can't simpathysis with her former sex? [reading further] "Guys like Jack and Chas exuded a natural self confidence that girls found attractive. I was finding that most girls had even less self confidence than guys." Good! Dr. Drew says this all the time. Just take out the passive "was finding" [reading further] "Although I had never realized before my transformation that there were so many different styles and cuts of jeans for girls." Oh really? I never wear carpenter (they're too tight) or cargo (they look sloppy), But give me baggie (not loose fit) or even wide cut and I'm happy. Of course by girlfriend likes me in bootfit. So the point is that guys jeans are varied too. Of course I can see how the situation might feel strange. Also I meant to write this before, tight clothes always feel like you're wearing them. Only in baggy clothes does one get the impression of nakedness. [reading furter] Ok so there about to go to an unexpected party. Why does Dannie only punish those above her age? Why doesn't she control all those she interacts with? I'm not saying that she should, but it needs to be explained. [finished] Well, I was right about earlier. There's more I wanted to say, but I feel the deadlines pushing me. I usually don't take the time to do anything this extravagant. Anyway the only thing I'm going to chide you on this time is the armed guards. How stupid are they to let themselves be seen? That's not how CIA, FBI, or even the police are trained. that's all.
The Price of Friendship     Details
great story, but i could do without the whole drugs things.
Ashley's Summer Experience     Details
HI Steve, Just had to comment on this story I just finished. I can't believe I missed this one since I am a huge Marvel fan. I love the character Black Widow and even dressed as her for Comic Con on one occasion. I just loved what you did with this story. The lesbian scene, the twist with Peter becoming MJ's twin, the body suites which allow the person to actually become the twin of the other, just too perfect and wishing it was real technology available today. Thanks for the great story Steve, Hugs.
MJ and Spidey - Costume Fun     Details

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