"So my mom is starting me on hormones this weekend... she says that by the end of the summer, I'm going to be as hot as you!" 		 

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For Fans of TransGendered Fiction...
Total number of stories: 46256

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Random Reviews

It was ok
Heidi: The Beautiful Story of a Boy     Details
An excellent story, with believable characters and actions, a good plot and well written. But, please, tell me -- is there a chapter 28?
A TV Fantasy     Details
If Tom was stripped naked then how could he have a bulge in his pants?
The TG Limits: Aliens, Aliens...     Details
To: Maggie Finson Re: ‘Mommy’ Subject: comment and critique Date: 8/25/2000 Comments: What a strong story and even better, interesting characters. I loved your story line and the way you let the plot develop out. Your sense of pacing early on was outstanding. I think this has the potential to be one of the better-crafted TG stories on the net and in my opinion shows your abilities as a writer. I hope you continue writing! Suggestions for making the story stronger: 1) The protagonist and his wife had no money. That was one of their stated problems at the very beginning. Near the crisis point, lots of money pours into the story – specifically for protagonist’s benefit, i.e., the hi-tech body suit that has been designed for him, all the new paperwork showing him as a female (great plot twist that!). As the reader I found it disconcerting that there was no explanation or groundwork for this sudden infusion (Easy to explain if the hypnotist or the wife’s new lover has money and they want the kids and the husband out of the way with no muss or bad publicity). Story is better if you address this. 2) The major plot weakness for me was Nadine’s motivation. She becomes a major player and I could never figure out why she was involved – friendship among waitresses doesn’t cut that deep. Why should she care? The more the reader can identify with her motivation and see why she is part sweet and part ‘you will do this and not fuck up my good thing or else’, the stronger your story becomes. Again, if Lisa has a rich lover that she met at the diner (or where ever – the hypnotist?), then enough money solves this problem. It could be lure of the most money Nadine has ever gotten and by which she achieves her own dreams. She is taking a risk after all. And I think the reader would enjoy seeing if Lisa went off in the arms of a rich male or another female or something else. Running off just to be running off seemed weak – a major character flaw. So why would the others pitch in when most of them would not be an Lisa’s side because she left her kids. Whatever her motivation is, it should account for the extra funds in 1) above. Part of the plot may be for a quiet non-contested divorce where child desertion against Lisa doesn’t surface – the rich burying skeletons so to speak. 3) At the crisis point, i.e., when Jack reaches the point he has to decide to rebel and fight for his maleness (which he had done all his life up to this point) or surrender to forced femininity, I thought the story weakened. Surrender because of official girl documents doesn’t prevent him from getting a duplicate SS card or drivers license and Nadine’s say so at this point is hardly threatening. Plus, the lure of a higher paying accounting job still exists for him in his male form. Old time literary advice: kick that poor fucker over the cliff so there can be no question of his ever reaching this particular summit again. If your audience is mouse trapped as well, if they can’t find a way out of poor Jack’s dilemma, story sizzles that much more. Two possibilities - he will take his pills every day and obey Nadine because if not: a) he loses girls because he will be reported as a sexual pervert who dresses as a female. One of the people in the diner who Jack waited on and Nadine took a picture of Jack with was a high official dealing with children’s custody cases (or some such). And this person saw Jack in female apparel more than once. “State your in never gives custody to single parent with obvious sexual dichotomy such as yours, Jacqueline Sweety.” The threat of losing his girls is a real and credible hammer that will force him to where others want him to go. You have done a superb job of building the caring part of his character and here is where you can use the coin you have invested to your advantage. B) He signed for a prescription drug using an alias, a felony. Nadine might have even had some narcotics thrown in for her so it is just not a simple matter. Not only is he facing jail time by resisting, but also drug aspect of the felony would for certain lose him his kids. “And Jacquelyn Sweety, I just don’t want to think about what those animals inside would do to a sweet little thing like you.” Gulp. The trap has closed with unbreakable steel teeth. And every time he gets another prescription under the alias the teeth get tighter. Nadine has him right where all three of them worked to get him – completely mouse trapped! 4) Your story has the potential to be one of the all time TG favorites in my opinion - it doesn’t suffer from a large suspension of belief most require and develops character emotions which (for the most part) seem believable. However, it seems to me it is only half written – the first half. You have done a marvelous job mouse trapping the protagonist, of getting him to where he has to totally obey. If you wrote a 2nd half showing him slowly and inexorably (but protesting all the way until his final surrender – the operation?) being pushed to womanhood it would complete the story. Like the old adage: You can lead a mule to water, but you can’t get him to drink! The 2nd part of your story should be ‘oh yes you can, at least if you are Maggie Finson and it is your story. And I think the successful part of that would be showing his deliberate flirting with the doctor because he finds himself attracted. 5) Three mechanical suggestions (easy corrections) - pacing is a much harder skill to acquire and that you do well. A beat is when you character does something between dialogue so you don’t get the talking head syndrome. It can be nodding, looking, smirking, smiling, etc. You use nodding and smiling (or derivatives thereof) too much. 2nd: Your dialogue is wordy. You have some great dialogue, but you dilute it’s strength at times by letting you characters run on, e.g., Jack, when he finds out what the pills are that Nadine tells him he is going to be taking every day. This is the point where he rebels – who can take that lying down? “And if I refuse?” Don’t say anything else! Don’t explain! Nothing! This is where the rubber meets the road, that pregnant pause. It is here that Jack learns the depth of how bad he has been had, etc. 3rd: Editors at publishers are death on other forms of said. Most want you to use ‘said’ or ‘ask’, nothing else. Good habit to move towards. Constraining but most books are written thus. I hope this is of use. My main comment - Well done! If you would like collaboration on a 2nd part to this story I would welcome the opportunity of working with you. If you don’t want to do a second part, I would welcome the challenge of adding to your work. To me the story cries out to be completed. Whatever you do, KEEP WRITING!
Mommy     Details
I am pleased to have found this series once again. Thank you so much for a lovely story.
Basic Woman Patt 3     Details

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