Random Reviews
one heck of a plot!!!very dramatic and well written.I felt like I was reading a novel or watching a good movie.on the down side, the story became progressivly harder to read as words were mis-spelled and others were spelled the way their soundalikes should be spelledHare for hair would be an example though it may not be in the actual story. Spellcheckers don't catch these kind of mistakes very often. This may be from relying on a spellchecker to correct too much in your story. You have too good a command of the english language not to have this corrected. After a careful spellcheck, try reading the story out loud and making corrections. Then get someone else to read it and point out errors. Then run it through a spellcheck again. If you can eliminate some of the more obvious errors, the rest of this wonderfully plotted story should be a joy to read.PS when the alien swapped bodies at the airpot everyone should not have their old body occupied by the mind of their current body. presumably, the alien went from body a to body b to body c etc. leaving each person in the body next in line. In other words, when the alien becomes the 10 yr old boy and swaps with the detective, the boy doesnt get his body, since he was already swapped with an earlier bodyfor the same reason the twin girls and the 2 guys cant be in each other's body. if the alien went from his current body to twin 1 to the 1st man to the 2nd twin to the 2nd man, the next person swapped would be in the second man's body, not a twin. it was very nicely done but it just doesn't work that way assuming the alien has only seconds or minutes at most to swap 90+ people. just make the boy occupy say a girls body and the second twin occupy a strange man's body and your story should run smoother it may not sound much like it but i assure you i enjoyed the story a lot and just want it to be even better in a future rewrite when you add the ending!and I DO want to see more from you. I love the use of details and the dramatic plotting! |
PI Details |
great story!1 i really enjoyed it. But it calls for more chapters!! |
All This for my Wife - Part 2 Details |
Oh how pleased I was to find your continued story about Danielle and her family. I find that I am really drawn into it and the depth of the characters, wishing that my life could have been more like that... as either Danielle or Jeff/Karen... Please, keep writing as I can't wait to see how they all develop... As always, Kristin |
Educating Danielle Part 14 Details |
Very solid first effort! Worth a continuation...I would like to see very much what happens to our hero/heroine and how s/he adapts. Don't skimp on the details! |
BioVector Details |
Wha' hoppen to de BABY?? |
The Great Escape Details |
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